What Kind of (Heavy) Drinker are You?

The Department of Wasting Public Money, in this case masquerading as the Dept of Heath has identified nine types of heavy drinker as it launches a new alcohol campaign. Or should I say, a new anti alcohol campaign. Experts said helping people to understand the reasons for their drinking habits was "very useful".

The types identified are:

• Depressed drinker
• De-stress drinker
• Re-bonding drinker
• Conformist drinker
• Community drinker
• Boredom drinker
• Macho drinker
• Hedonistic drinker
• Border dependents

If you want to know what they all mean, the types are described here:

I think they have missed a trick here though. The beer geek drinker is absent from the list. Perhaps it is because we are not heavy drinkers, preferring to sniff and spit? Or perhaps this nonsense is just a waste of time and money? Anyway I'll find out. It seems that a pilot of how this is going to work in practice is being run here in the North West. It will specifically target heavy drinkers. Over 900,000 households will receive leaflets through the post highlighting the link between drinking and conditions such as cancer and liver disease. How will they know which houses to send it to? Will I get one?

I don't know or care. I am feeling very much better now and after a little light shopping, I'm off for a drink!

The government hopes this "tailored" approach will help 4,000 people in the region to reduce their drinking within a year. I think they will find the recession will do that much more effectively!